Friday, August 8, 2014

Droppin' Bombs

Hi Friends! Just popping in for a sec to tell you about our fun-filled morning! I will rewind to last night when we took Mase to the Knights game. He had a BLAST. He loved riding on the train, eating everything in site, playing with our empty beer cups, but his favorite part was that he got to sit and play with his Grannie. Here are a couple of pics:

He did SO good at the game! We ended up leaving early because Mase was getting restless. On the train ride home he was downright delirious. 
He really needed a bath last night but since it was so late and since we didn't want to wake the beast up even more he was on the verge of passing out, we decided that I would just give him a bath in the morning before we went the Grannie's house. 

This is where it gets interesting....

So Josh and I woke him up this morning before Joshy went to play golf with a friend. Mase met us with the biggest, sweetest smile on his face. All is good, right? So while Daddy left, I decided to throw Mase in the bath. I filled up the tub about an inch of water and released all his toys to play with while I threw his clothes in the wash since we were heading to Hickory tonight. I walk back into the bathroom and there were Baby Ruth's all in the tub. Crap. Everywhere. My Plan of Attack was to place Mase outside the tub, let the water out, scoop up his toys with his frog scooper, rinse toys off and placed said toys & scooper in the top rack of the dishwasher to run it while we were at work. Success was mine. Meanwhile, Mase is trying to climb back in the tub because he knows that he hasn't finished and he wants to play with those turd-looking-things. I fish out said turds (with toilet paper) and begin washing the tub. When I am done, I am met with the sound of silence. And there is no naked baby in the bathroom. I repeat: The monster has escaped and there is no telling where he is or what he is doing. 

I swear, my kid is a ninja. He had stealthily climbed into the dishwasher and was perched - bare a$$ and all - on the dishwasher door. Oh yeah, and he was playing with knives. WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST MASON?! At least they were butter knives, right?? I confiscate the knives along with the baby then head back to the bathroom for a bath at last. We are back on the #winning track by managing to get through our bath without anymore turds and getting dressed without any other complications. 

At this point, I have weathered the storm. That was the worst, I won! WRONG. I have all my bags in my hands for the day. All I need to do is grab Mase's hand and begin the hike to the car. But as I near the ninja-monster, I smell something horrible. AWESOME. How can he poop again?! He just did it! So I put all my crap down, grab the ninja-monster and head to his bedroom to change his diaper. I look to see the damage - if it's any indication by the smell, I know it's going to be a bad one - and I am greeted with a $hit bomb. A true $hit bomb. There's no other accurate explanation for this. $hit was everywhere. And it just kept on coming. It was leaking like lava out of his pants!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON?! There was no Plan of Attack on this one. I was in over my head. My mind was screaming "ABORT! ABORT! ABORT MISSION!!" What do I do? Now the monster that had dropped this poopsplosion was attempting to escape before I had even attempted to clean him up. I'm wrestling with this demon child to sit still while I attempt to wipe his butt, change his clothes, dispose of the $hit bomb, find new clothes and get out the door. At this point I am on the verge of tears because not only am I dying from $hit poison, but I now have crap under my finger nails. UNDER.MY.FINGERNAILS. Finally, I got pants on the $hitting-ninja-monster, grabbed my bags, and sprinted to the car. 

It probably would have been easier to put him back in the bath but I was NOT risking another attempt at that. There was no telling what would have happened and I probably would not have made it out alive. I immediately called Joshy and informed him that he is NEVER allowed to leave me in that situation again. I am praying that this is not a sign of how the rest of my day is going to go. 

Having that said, I am now off to work so I will leave you with one of my fav pics that was sent to me yesterday by Grannie at lunch time. Does this look like the face of a poop-bomb-dropping-ninja-monster?? DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE SMILE!